Wet Wet Wet
Back in 1996 on a hot sunny day in April whilst leaving my hotel in Pattaya I was a victim of a horrendous attack. As I merrily bowled down Pattaya klang heading to purchase a copy of the Bangkok Post a stealth pick up truck containing the Thai ‘A ‘team launched an all out aqua attack with multi bucket launchers, pump action water hoses and automatic water pistols..in fact any water vessels bigger than an egg cup, add to this the phantom flour flinger and his cluster bombs of mixed ice and tiger balm came raining down on me,…. Gave me no chance to defend myself and left me spluttering on the pavement like a demented sea lion.
Why you may ask …well the answer is Songkran the Thai new year, veiled thinly as the water spirit festival. Although i had visited Thailand on many occasions previously, it was my first Songkran and it had slipped my mind it was the thirteenth……..so picking my drowned carcass up wearing a false grin like when Jeremy Beadle appears …….I hastily returned to my hotel reception who were not to pleased as I traipsed through the 5 star mezzanine floor with two cleaners following me like a bride walking down the aisle.
You see it doesn’t matter if you change more times than shop window dummy, as soon as you set foot outside you’re fair game. I reset off wearing an old green t shirt ,shorts and flip flops with my money tied in a plastic bags and hidden in a secret compartment in my james bond underpants…..and as I waded up the soi I stopped topurchase a super duper plastic water howitzer which made my childhood Johnny Seven seem like a spud gun…..I reached soi 7 Pattaya… thirty minutes later wetter than a mermaid and headed straight for the first bar ..I got myself a table up overlooking the street in a great firing position checked my ammo and ordered a singha “ lock and load’ I growled to myself…forget the Vietnam war Songkran is the biggest battle in South East Asia and it lasts for 3-7 days depending on where you are.
By 3 pm I must of consumed about 3 litres of beer plus 3 litres of airborne water…and a bladder off load was required, the toilet had became a Jacuzzi and the bar floor was a paddling pool …by 4pm music was pumping and the noise was incredible with free hugs and snogs being exchanged by all…by 5pm spontaneous essian dancing broke out and some farangs reenacted singing in the rain (the Morcambe and Wise version …not Gene Kelly)…the locals all began to walk like John Wayne due to there whisky consumption and with my ale consumption rising into my neck I decided I needed to eat before the singha dribbled out of my nose.
A small tip when wet choose a restaurant outside as mine had the air con so cold I turned into a frozen bag of sprouts. After a quick defrost I I noted it was past 6pm this is were the songkran Geneva convention kicks in …ie a full cease fire until the next day…
So if you do venture out on April 13th to the 19th always take a snorkel, flippers and plastic bags for money and phone.
Have a good one and remember its just water, enjoy it………
Brgds SG
