Microphone Wars
Anyone who has ever entered their local pub for a quiet pint, only to be driven out by a group of inebriated middle aged divorcees and spotty oinks crowded round a microphone wailing the approximate tune of Ii will survive would testify that karaoke machines are one of the most infernal devices ever devised by humans….Ddon’t agree? OoK lets take a look at its history. Firstly Karaoke was not invented in 1971 in Japan by Iinouye Ddaisuke as many people believe, in fact it was started in bollywood by an Indian Sikh called Gitupta Singh!
My first and only attempt in my local was greeted with a shower of darts and beer mats and howls of derision and that was just when mumbled good evening … you see they were waiting for the short skirted 15 year old to screech Madonna’s like a virgin.
I felt like the band in the Blues Brothers but without the cage and with head bowed and sporting a cheesy grin ducked behind a group of hen night commiserating nurses for some TLC, my chance of becoming the next Robbie Williams was now looking more like Kenneth Williams in Carry on Matron.
Karaoke in Asia is much more than just a pass time its almost greeted like the final of American Iidol with wild screaming and hysterical applause, sharing the same first name Simon with Mr Cowell have nothing but admiration for this man having to sit through hours of talent less torture…maybe it has something to do with all the Benjamin’s sitting in his back pocket.
Ook so we’ve all seen the many karaoke bars here in pattaya and bkk etc, the Thais as a people seem to love to copy not only merchandise but pop stars as well…don’t give up ur day job guys!. ..But its Japan we go to for my karaoke caper this is where Ii was forced against my will into a basement club in Roppongi( the night life area of Tokyo) to sing a duet with my mate just like in the scene from the movie Black Rain starring Michael Douglas..Luckily Andy Garcia (my mate) didn’t get his head sliced off but received a standing ovation for islands in the stream (Kenny Rogers/dolly parton…mean while was all for turning Japanese by the vapors but the track selection was limited .
Now ken my mate has reasonable pleasing tones while my singing voice can be compared to the mating call of the Q E 11 but this still didn’t deter my Johnny Walker black label swilling audience to love me for my 15 mins of fame….the owner a Mr Hhonshu dressed in Al Capones old suit with finger nails to make Freddy Kruger envious kindly sent two hostesses to our table bearing gifts of 12yo scotch and a cheeky little mount Fuji Ssaki so after a few wee drams we soon got in the swing of it and were up on the table with open shirts cheering good ol wock and woll with little wichard… sang Benny hill style of course.. the evening was bloory lubbery until we received the bill…. HOhoW MUuCHh KATOo! ..being under the influence of rocket fuel and in the partial light of our booth we just gulped and looked for the exit sign… we did think about claiming it on expenses but not being British MP’s we prayed for divine intervention…the lord works in mysterious ways…. thank god for Westminster visa cards or we may have been washing up with the last samurai.
Not to sing in a karaoke bar in Japan is deemed deeply offensive if asked ,so that’s what caused pearl harbor Then !Love or loathe..karaoke.. for me the name will always stir fond memories…no not that stupid machine…. Ii’m talking about the blue peter cats…r.i.p …get down Sshep…Rgds sg
